Or mad.

Short-tempered.

Distant.

Annoyed by everything we say and do.

When someone we love is acting this way, it’s easy to personalize it.

What did I do?

Why are they treating me this way?

Why don’t they want to be around me?

We tend to take other people’s moods, their reactions or their attitude and make it about us.

But what if it isn’t? What if we choose to realize that it might be a them thing—not an us thing?

I often retell a story that a mom in one of my groups shared about her college-aged son’s visit home during holiday break—and the vibe was off from the start.

He was short-tempered and moody. He didn’t want to participate with the rest of the family, and she couldn’t understand why. She had looked so forward to having him home. The whole family had planned all the fun things they’d do but instead she spent most of the visit wondering why he was acting like such a jerk.

It wasn’t until he was getting ready to return to college that she got him alone during a drive and really pressed him about what was wrong.

Finally, he exploded:

“You ruined my childhood when you took away my gaming system.”

Six years earlier, when he was 14, his parents had taken away his gaming system as a consequence and stored it at a friend’s house.

While it was there, the friend’s child put stickers all over it and traded or sold some of the games.

When his mom found out, she offered to replace everything.

At the time, her son brushed it off. The system could stand to be updated so he wasn’t worried too much about it.

Now, six years later, he was telling her it had ruined his entire childhood.

She was stunned.

“I had no idea it still bothered him. I apologized back then, and I apologized again now. But I can’t stop thinking…did I really ruin his childhood?”

Maybe the gaming system really did still bother him.

Maybe it was something he had carried for years and didn’t know how to talk about.

But maybe it wasn’t only about the gaming system.

Maybe he was stressed about college.

His classes.

His team.

A relationship.

Going back.

Or something else he couldn’t put into words.

Then he came home, where he felt safe, and all of those bottled-up emotions came out.

It wasn’t fair to his family.

It wasn’t okay for him to spend the entire visit treating them poorly.

But it may not have been about them. We all misplace emotions sometimes. Can you imagine….

When you have a long day, then sit in traffic and come home already on edge.

Then you trip over shoes in the hallway or see dishes in the sink—and snap.

You’re annoyed about the shoes.

But are you that upset about the shoes?

Probably not.

Sometimes the thing we name is what’s bothering us.

Sometimes it’s only part of what’s bothering us.

And sometimes it’s simply the easiest place to put everything we’re feeling.

Just because the emotions are valid doesn’t mean they’re being placed in the right direction.

Recognizing misplaced emotions doesn’t mean accepting unkind behavior.

It doesn’t mean taking responsibility for someone else’s mood.

And it also doesn’t mean deciding their feelings aren’t real.

It means pausing before we personalize everything.

Consider:

Maybe this isn’t mine to carry.

Maybe I didn’t cause this.

Maybe their reaction is really about what’s happening inside of them and not actually about me.

Sometimes it really is a them thing—not an us thing.

As you kick off your week, if you encounter someone having a moment that seems like ‘it’s not a you thing’ let them have that moment don’t cosign into it.

Here’s to a great week of not picking up someone else’s misplaced emotions.

Cheering you on!

Tammy

She immediately asked, why?

I told her I just thought of the idea and wanted to see if she had any questions and that nothing was off limits.

She sat quietly for about a minute, unsure if this was a trick, so I asked if I could ask her three questions. She said, ‘sure’.

So, then I asked her:

1. Are you nervous or worried about anything?

She mentioned being unsure how to handle unkind people while she was on her mission. Her exact words were ‘people that bash missionaries and religion.’

2. If you received the best care package ever, what would be in it?

She listed some of her favorite treats, most of them things I don’t typically buy because #USCandyCausesCancer.

Then I asked if there were any other things that would be in the box that would be just the happiest surprise.

She paused a minute and said, one of Dad’s shirts that smells like his cologne. 😢

Next she said, she’d want a letter from her younger sisters that listed some of their funny sayings and inside jokes. 🫶🏼

I didn’t ever get to question three.

Why are these answers so awesome?

To start, their dad and I have been divorced for close to 10 years. However, we chose to peacefully divorce and peacefully coparent. Because of that she hasn’t had to navigate the typical bitterness and tension between divorced parents. Instead, she can speak freely about her love for her dad.

Secondly, all four of my girls share such special friendships, which I personally know could’ve never happened without me choosing to homeschool them. Instead of building their most important friendships with others, they built them with their family.

These bonds~ I witness each day as they laugh, play, have tiffs, quickly forgive, laugh again, and create core memories.

Initially, I was so worried to have a house full of girls, as I had only seen and heard of the fights and arguing between sisters.

I was determined for them to be outliers.

What a gift it has been to be a mom of four daughters and, for a time, a stepmom of two beautiful, inherited daughters.

And today I’ve discovered a new tradition: tell my girls that they can “ask me any three questions and vice versa.”

Traditions can start anytime.

Cheering you on~

Tammy

PS: Traditions are about so much more than creating happy memories. They help create connection, belonging, and a sense of safety. They give our children little things they can count on—and often become so special that they carry into their own homes one day.

Here’s some of my favorite family traditions that you can use all throughout the year. You can find it in the Home + Life Coach Shoppe here.

Nine years old. I know that’s a hard sentence to read.

It was a hard one to hear.

He hadn’t told anyone he was struggling. Not his mom, not his sister, not his basketball coach. He seemed a little off—but no one imagined it was this deep.

As the mom and I talked, she shared how heartbreaking and unexpected it had been. And so I gently asked, “Does he have a phone or tablet? Is he on social media?”

She paused, “Yeah, he has both… but I’m not sure about all the apps on them,” she said.

That response? I hear it more often than you might think.

Most parents haven’t had the time to dive into the research or recognize the warning signs—because life is full and screens are everywhere. But what I’ve seen—and lived—is hard to ignore.

I saw it with my own ‘inherited’ girls. (stepdaughters)

Two sweet, beautiful children were handed iPhones and iPads by a busy parent. One started searching out and viewing pornography at 9. The other was sexting with adults by 13.

It’s normal now for parents to say their kids are always on a screen—scrolling, texting, watching YouTube, on social media.

Often parents notice the shifts but don’t recognize the cause.

They pull away from family time. They stay up later and later—11 p.m., 12, even wee hours of the night. They became more withdrawn, more anxious, less present.

This is what’s becoming “normal.” But normal doesn’t mean safe.

So what are some of the common issues for kids with regular screen exposure?

👉🏼 Withdrawal, tantrums, or aggression when screens are taken away

👉🏼 Sleeplessness (from disrupted circadian rhythms and blue light exposure)

👉🏼 Parents turning to melatonin to treat a bedtime battle/hyperactivity that screens created

👉🏼 Anxiety, depression, and mood swings

👉🏼 Dry eyes and damaged tear glands from lack of blinking (yes, really)

👉🏼 Delayed developmental milestones (from passive, overstimulating entertainment)

👉🏼 Poor impulse control, hyperactivity, focus issues, and academic struggles

Does any of this sound familiar?

You aren’t alone.

The average American child spends (only) 4–7 minutes in unstructured play per day... and over 7 hours in front of a screen. what?!?! 🤯

Screens aren’t just “part of life” anymore. They’re shaping childhood—and in many homes, they’re taking it away.

Let me say—this isn’t about making you feel guilty.

It’s about realizing- what we’ve accepted as harmless and normal… isn’t and shouldn’t be.

It’s about looking closer and asking the hard questions.

Are we handing over their childhood in exchange for convenience? Are we protecting their innocence—or pacifying their boredom?

So what can you do, you can start asking questions.

You can set healthy limits. You can start making small changes that bring your kids (of all ages) back to real connection, real play, real rest.

Decide what-when-where:

👉🏼 What device can be used and what is it being used for?

👉🏼When is it allowed to be use, what are the time limits?

👉🏼 Where can it be used? Ideally in a busy area like the kitchen table or couch.

We can’t control everything they are exposed to but we can slow down enough to look closer… and choose what’s best for our own homes and families.

Because their childhood is worth protecting.

Your connection to them is worth protecting.

That’s time you’ll never get back.

Cheering you on ~

Tammy

PS~ If you want some deeper insight:

Here’s my answer to common questions I get asked on this topic:

In our home, social media is allowed at 18 years old which is at the same time they’re able to have their own phone. At 17 we set up a shared social media account on my phone that lets them begin seeing and using it.

We talk in real time about screen use, exposure, vanity metrics, their digital footprint etc. Prior to this they use a shared family phone that is password locked and parent controlled. The phone is only allowed to be used in common family areas.

Even with these parameters and the level of diligence we practiced, I still have lots of cautionary tales.

A few suggestions: a phone contract you create together, talking about pornography at a young age (it’s like drugs, alcohol and gambling—an addiction that wrecks lives), plan and talk about screen time limits, talk about screen addiction, make it normal that screens go off at least an hour before bed, know what the screen rules are at their friends homes, set up parental controls until they’re 18.

They get one childhood and it’s your responsibility to protect it. Let them ease through and not be rushed, bullied, hyper-sexualized, extorted or worse.

Good Pictures, Bad Pictures is my favorite resource for discussing pornography. Find it on Amazon and I suggest the younger version and also the chapter book version. Leave them out on the table, couch and available to be picked up anytime.

I’ve asked my girls this question for years.

What do you want to own you?

Not because I expected some profound answer. Usually it comes up in a conversation about watching too much tv, or after sleeping in, eating too much junk food, or listening to trash music…..because I wanted them to stop and think.

We become what we repeatedly do.

The little choices we make today have a funny way of becoming the life we wake up to years from now.

As adults, we get to ask ourselves that same question.

What owns me?

Is it the screen in my hand that I can’t go to the bathroom without?

Is it the video game I play every night because it’s how I unwind?

Is it the daily coffee stop I swear I can’t live without?

The bowl of ice cream that somehow isn’t optional anymore?

One more glass of wine.

One more beer.

The pornography I looked at years ago that quietly became something I can’t seem to quit.

The scrolling that was supposed to be five minutes but somehow became an hour.

None of these things usually start out owning us.

They start small. One choice. One habit. One more time.

Then one day we realize they aren’t something we do anymore.

They’re something that makes the decisions for us.

The truth is, the small things often become the things that decide the big things.

They shape our health.

Our energy.

Our weight.

Our marriage.

Our friendships.

Our relationship with our kids.

Our patience.

Our home.

Our career.

Our confidence.

Our future.

That’s why I keep asking my girls this question. Not because I expect perfection.

Not because I think they’ll never struggle. But because I hope they’ll learn to notice.

To ask themselves, Is this helping me build the life I want? Or is it quietly taking it from me?

The beautiful thing is that we’re never stuck.

Every single day we get another chance to decide what we want to own us.

We can choose habits that make us healthier instead of sicker.

More present instead of distracted.

More connected instead of isolated.

More peaceful and content instead of constantly reaching for the next thing.

One small choice at a time.

Because the same small habits that can slowly take over your life...

can also slowly give it back.

I’m cheering you on,

Tammy 🫶🏼

When the laundry was done. When the house was quiet. When no one needed anything.
But when the calm came it never lasted—and neither did the happiness.

That’s when I realized… I needed something deeper than happy. Something that lasted longer than the clean kitchen or empty laundry basket.
I needed joy.

Do you have JOY?

Or is your brain freaking out right now wondering why happiness this feels like your life and you are now realizing that those happy moments are situational?

Think about it though, happiness can be the feeling of …

😁 A clean house
😁 The kids all getting along
😁 All the laundry, dishes and cleaning done
😁 An unexpected kid-free date night with your spouse

Just thinking about these can make you feel happy! I actually felt happy just typing them. However, that is situational happiness—it makes you feel happy in the moment.

BUT then the kids argue, mess up the house, laundry piles up again along with the dishes, and you can’t even envision having a date night.

Then what do you feel? Not happy.

JOY, on the other hand, is able to be sustained despite the situation.
So, how do you create JOY?

The two strategies for creating JOY that I live and coach by are: Gratitude & Affirmations.

Gratitude

When we express gratitude, we are being intentional with our thoughts.
We’re looking for or at times pushing ourselves to look for the good. Often if this is a new thing for you do, it’s easier to see ‘what’s wrong’. That’s okay because we can just flip it around again and look for the good.

Look for all the good—because even in the hardest of hard moments, there is good.
(Or as I like to call it… the silver lining.) As a bonus we are guaranteed to find whatever we look for.

Each day I write 3–5 things I’m grateful for in my gratitude journal:

• I am grateful for a happy teenager. (A real life recent entry. 😉)

• I am grateful for a childhood friend who texts me most mornings to brighten my day.

• I am grateful for my neighbor who shared her amazing avocados from her family farm.

It takes less than 5 minutes, it’s super easy—but like building a muscle, we have to have repetition.
You have to build the muscle of being grateful, of looking for the good.

Affirmations

I’m a big advocate for being an intentional thinker. This is because I want to choose some of the 78,000 thoughts I have each day.
Did you know that on average, 56,000 of our daily thoughts are negative and only 22,000 are positive (for the average human)?!

When everything is going sideways, it can be hard to think of positive things.
Hard, but not impossible.

Affirmations have been my go-to for what I think about and what I focus on.

I use ‘flash card’ style affirmation cards that are 2x3 in size. By reading these affirmations, I’m giving my mind the thoughts I want to think about. I am purposefully creating the thoughts that I want to have.

I’ve been known to read my affirmations multiple times a day. For example: every time I walk my dog, I can take my cards and flip through them. At a longer than normal red-light, I can flip through them. When I am feeling overwhelmed and stressed, I can flip through them.

If by chance you are looking for ways to feel better, sleep better, and have JOY on the regular—this is the hack.

✨ I’m sharing a few of my favorite affirmations with you here: Affirmations

Let me know how your week goes and if you implement one of these simple ideas.

Here’s to your Monday being magical and you having JOY!

🫶🏼 Tammy

I’ll continue adding to this collection over time, and whenever I mention a resource in a post, you’ll find it here.

This post has bonus content for paid subscribers. Upgrade to get full access.

Gratitude Reset Too…

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This way you’d remember the exact moment it happened. It’d be a cool story and you could proudly share how you survived.

The reality is though, that it’s a bit less dramatic. There’s no blinding light, there’s not that one moment where you wake up and think…

Well, I guess I’m not me anymore.

It actually tends to happen slowly. Over time. In the normal day to day demands that are just a part of life.

You stop doing the little things you like because there isn’t time.

You don’t call the friend because you’re tired and don’t feel like explaining everything.

You say no to plans because getting everyone else situated feels like too much work. Plus, if you have free time just kidding- there is no free time… for you.

You buy the things for everyone else but can’t remember the last time you bought something just because you liked it.

You don’t remember the last time you listened to your music.

You stop getting dressed in a way that feels good and like ‘you’.

You stop dreaming about or even remembering what you want because you’re so busy thinking about what everyone else needs.

And sometimes….you feel a little resentful.

Not because you don’t love your family.

Not because you’re selfish.

But because somewhere along the way, you lost yourself and the life you wanted.

This past week a sweet mom said:

“I’m so unhappy and want to cry all the time.”

And I told her something she said she’d never heard….go ahead and cry. That’s your body needing to get back to center.

Crying is one of the quickest ways for our bodies to release stress and regulate.

So when you start crying and don’t even really know why… when the tears are always right there on the edge… when one small thing happens and suddenly you’re crying over everything…let the tears come.

You can think of it like the E light coming on in your car.

Your car has a gas gauge with a needle that lets you know how full the tank it.

As you drive here and there, the needle moves lower.

You can ignore it for a while. Because after all there’s 3/4 of a tank left and then 1/2 of a tank left, so you can keep driving and doing all the things.

You probably tell yourself that you’ll stop later. You’ll fill up later.

But eventually the light comes on. Because you didn’t stop.

You didn’t stop because you needed to do this drop off, or this pick up, or because it was raining, or because you were running late, or because you were too tired, or you told yourself that you would do it in the morning…..

But now your car has the bright letter E, and it’s not to be dramatic. It’s just giving you information.

You’re on E.

I see a lot of women that are walking around with their warning lights on.

The tears.

The snapping.

The criticism.

The resentment.

The anxiety.

The constant scrolling because you don’t want to think.

Just wanting everyone to just leave you alone.

The anger and frustration of being needed.

Feeling overwhelmed by things you used to handle.

Looking in the mirror and realizing that you don’t even know what would make you happy anymore.

And still…

We keep driving.

We tell ourselves we’ll feel better when the kids get older.

When the sports season slows down.

When this custody schedule changes.

When work slows down.

When school gets out.

When summer ends.

After the holidays.

When the house is organized.

When our partner steps up.

When we lose the weight.

When we finally get a break.

But what if you don’t need to wait for your whole life to change before you start taking care of the woman living it?

That’s why I decided to host a free workshop this Friday called:

Running on E

This is for you Mom, Stepmom, Dogmom, Aunt, Grandma, Sister, and more.

It’s for anyone that feels overwhelmed, resentful, emotional, anxious, exhausted… or maybe just a little lost from who they used to be.

I’m going to share how to recognize your own warning lights and some simple, real things you can start doing to feel better.

Not a 42-step morning routine.

Not “just practice self-care.”

And nothing that adds one more thing to your already full plate.

Just a conversation with doable ways to start filling your tank again.

It’s free.

And if you can’t join me live Friday @2pm est, register anyway. I’ll email you the recording.

→ Save your spot for Running on E

Maybe your warning light has been on for a while. And if so, you aren’t alone.

This is your chance to stop ignoring it — and learn how to notice the signs before you find yourself running on E again.

Your Coach, Cheerleader + Friend

Tammy 🫶🏼

P.S. Three things you have full permission to do today:

• Sit in your car for 3 extra minutes before going inside. It counts. 😂

• Put on your music. Not someone else’s Spotify or Apple playlist. Yours.

• Go to bed with something still on your to-do list. It’ll be there tomorrow. I promise.

• notice all you do

• think about your sacrifices

• the delicious meals you make

• the clean clothes you put in their closet

• the time you spend driving them here and there

• or see all the other things you do that keep the home running smoothly

Think about this… babies despite having someone else to do every, single thing for them, they don’t ever show gratitude. Then those babies become toddlers, teens, young adults and at no point is there pixie dust sprinkled on them and poof they are grateful.

Gratitude has to be noticed. Practiced. Modeled. Intentional.

That might sound big, but the good news is it isn’t complicated. Small words and tiny shifts—spoken out loud —are what turn gratitude into a habit …that sticks.

Here are two simple ways to weave gratitude into your family’s rhythm—whether you’re more of a morning person, or prefer winding down at night.

☀️ Morning Rhythm for Gratitude (quick and kid-friendly)

When my girls were younger, we made this a habit on the drive to school:

• Each of us took a turn saying three things we were thankful for.

• Then we set one simple goal for the day.

It gave us focus before the day even began.

Some days it sounded like:

• “I’m grateful for my new outfit.”

• “I’m grateful for the lunch Mom packed.”

• “I’m grateful for my volleyball team.”

• “My goal is to be nice to Ashlyn on the playground.”

Other days it was sillier, but it always shifted the mood before drop-off. It also gave us a fun follow up for after school/dinner conversations. I could ask, “how did you do on your goal today?”

Just like you can proactively start your day with gratitude there’s also a simple evening rhythm for gratitude. I put together a toolkit of phrases, prompts, and table-talk cards you can print and use anytime.

Inside you’ll find:

• Evening reset (3 steps you can start tonight)

• Positive phrases list (no more ‘thanks’)

• Mini-scripts for tricky situations

• 7-Day table-talk cards

• Quick-glance fridge card

🌙 Evening Gratitude Reset

Use this at dinner or bedtime — this doesn’t require a chart, sticker or eye roll.;)

Name one real moment from today.

“I’m grateful you hung up your backpack without me asking.”

Ask one quick prompt (no lectures).

“What made you smile today?” or “Who helped you?”

🗣️ Phrases that teach gratitude (naturally)

• “Thanks for doing your part to help after dinner.”

• “I noticed you put your shoes away—that’s helpful.”

• “That really helped our morning run smoother.”

• “It felt good to be doing ‘the kitchen’ with you.”

🚧 When kids resist (because they will)

• They say “I don’t know.” Offer two choices: “Something that felt good or someone who helped?”

• They get silly. Smile, mirror it once, then pivot: “Okay, now one for real.”

• Your partner isn’t into it. Do it yourself. It still works.

Download your Gratitude Reset Toolkit

Inside you’ll find:

• 30 printable gratitude prompts (for mornings, evenings, and everything in between)

• Positive phrases list for everyday moments

• Mini-scripts for tricky situations (sibling fights, messes, reminders)

• 7-Day table-talk cards you can use right away

• Quick-glance fridge card to keep the habit top of mind

Gratitude is powerful — but it has to be taught from a place of connection.

I’m grateful you’re here,

Tammy 🫶🏼
The Home + Life Coach

*portions of this email were first shared several years ago via my email list.

If you aren’t on my list be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss seeing me.

You can pick the free option until I win you over ;)

Subscribe now

No, not mine (well, I mean maybe) but also my teens/young adults have been in rare form it seems.

Recently (as in the past few weeks) one of the four seemed to be ‘off’ more often than she was ‘on’ and her typical, happy self.

To say she has been ‘crabby’ would be an understatement.

I have been getting snappy responses to most of my questions or deep exasperated sighs when I would explain a plan or idea and while there didn’t seem to be a specific reason- it has been getting hard to not take it personally. I have wished many times that I could send her (or myself) off to a remote island. 🏝️

So of course I said what I always say, “you need: more rest, water, less screen time, earlier bedtimes, nutrient dense food” ….basically all the things that makes them roll their eyes and tell me how they are already doing those things.

What I knew though was that she really needed … to feel connected. Because from a connected place we could talk and then inevitably, I’d figure out what was really going on. Or perhaps I’d see she was just moving through a season of growing and just needed me to stay calm and regulated.

As is often the case, one family member being ‘off’ generally affects the whole house. I sure didn’t want it to keep impacting the vibe at home or soon everyone else would start cosigning into the mood.

I needed to look for opportunities for us to have 1:1 time. This would give us time to talk about things that are important to her, to do things she liked or wanted to do. In a house of girls there is never a shortage of conversation and being able to be the only person holding my attention was needed.

Now, this isn’t a permanent fix or a one size fits all. In my home with my 'four little women’ there are different ways that I connect/reconnect to each of them. And to make life interesting those ways can change based on the weather, moon cycles and their hormones because I can’t ever accurately dictate what works and what doesn’t. It changes.

All kids bounce back and forth between being moody, rebellious and ‘off’ if we don’t maintain connection. It helps to remember this during these seasons of childhood growth…there will always be vacillations between grrrrr and awwww.

It doesn’t take a lot to connect to a child or teen. A walk together without siblings, playing a game together or coloring a picture, a car ride with a party playlist or sometimes it’s getting a favorite treat. Find their currency and lean in.

The common thread that runs through all of it is simply … creating connection with…..drum roll please……YOU-your time and focus.

Quality time, where you aren’t distracted with a phone, tablet, work or other task but able to be fully present-this is where the gains are made.

So if you have a child of any age that is hiding in their room, sulking, moody, tapping out of all of the family activities … know that you being present is their way back.

It’s as easier than you think.

I’m cheering you on

Your Life Coach, Cheerleader + Friend,
Tammy

PS If you are having the chore battle at your house…this is the easiest solution and only $20. Get instant access to the Family Chore System HERE.

There’s something uniquely strange about standing in the middle of a family you deeply care about while still trying to figure out where exactly you belong.

One minute you’re living your normal day to day life and the next you’re helping pack lunches, planning weekends around custody schedules, hearing …

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Becoming a stepmom can feel a little like being handed a role in a play after everyone else already memorized their lines.

The children already have routines, traditions, inside jokes, expectations, and emotions tied to their family dynamic. Then suddenly here you are trying to figure out where you fit and how involve…

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“I don’t even know who I am anymore outside of this house.”
“I used to have hobbies, friends, energy… Now I’m just trying to survive the week.”
“I spend so much time taking care of everyone else that I don’t even think about myself anymore.”
“I feel guilty anytime I try to take time for myself.”
“I miss who I was before…

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To the stepmom quietly carrying a lot today…

Mother’s Day can bring up so many emotions at once.

Love.
Gratitude.
Loneliness.
Hope.
Awkwardness.
Joy.
Sadness.
Connection.
Disappointment.
Grief.

Sometimes all in the same day.

For some women, today feels beautiful.
For others, it feels layered and hard.
And for many stepmoms… it feels like a rollercoaster of emotions.

You can deeply love your family and still feel unseen sometimes.

You can show up every day and still quietly wonder where you fit.

You can care deeply for the children and still struggle with the complicated emotions that can come with blended family life.

And if today feels heavy in any way, I hope you know you are not alone in that.

That’s one of the reasons I started writing Dear Stepmom, You Aren’t Crazy.

Because so many stepmoms are carrying emotional weight they don’t always feel safe talking about.

The first 7 chapters are now available for Founding Readers, along with the tools, encouragement, mindset shifts, and support designed to help stepmoms feel less alone and more emotionally grounded inside their homes and relationships.

Founding Reader Access is open through Stepmother’s Day for $25.

✨ Read Dear Stepmom, You Aren’t Crazy ✨

Whether today feels joyful, complicated, lonely, beautiful, exhausting, meaningful, or somewhere in between…

I’m sending you love today.

Your Coach, Cheerleader + Friend

Tammy 🫶🏼

This book exists because of the amount of women in my groups starting their posts and questions with:

“Am I crazy?”

And honestly… after years of coaching moms and stepmoms, I can tell you this:

You aren’t crazy.

Stepmom life can feel overwhelming, lonely, confusing, exhausting, emotional, complicated, and incredibly heavy at times.

Th…

Read more

“I don’t know when to step in or stay out.”

“I feel like I’m always doing it wrong.”

“I don’t know what my role is supposed to be.”

“I don’t want to overstep, but I also don’t want to feel invisible.”

“I feel like I’m guessing all the time.”

“I don’t know how much say I’m supposed to have.”

“I feel like I’m either to…

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“Sometimes I feel like they don’t even like me.”

“I feel like an outsider that’s watching them get to be a family.”

“I don’t feel connected to them no matter how much I do.”

“I feel guilty saying this, but I’m not sure I love them or will love them.”

“They run to their dad for everything… I feel invisible.”

“I don’t t…

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I didn’t have a big reason and I didn’t start out with a plan, I just wanted to fast and told myself I could easily do 24 hours. Or better said, I’d done 24 in the past and thought I could do it again. Here’s how it went:

Day 0 - bedtime I think I need to fast. I know there’s lots of documented research on how it helps our bodies on a deep cellular level, I might lose a pound or two and I’ve even read that it support mental clarity. Those were all great reasons so let’s goooooo.

Day 1 - 7am I woke up thinking ‘don’t be hungry’ and that seemed to have mostly worked. The smell of bacon, eggs, and breakfast burritos were a bit of a challenge but I reminded myself, I was only fasting for 24 hours and I could have it tomorrow morning. I refilled my water bottle and this time added a bit of fresh squeezed lemon.

Day 1 - 1pm I had to pick up my daughter from her job and ironically she worked at a little place that has amazing lemonade so I debated having her bring me one and I’d just do a liquid only fast.

But, I decided not to do that and stick to my water.

Day 1 - 3pm We had a volleyball game ….and the snack stand had salted pretzels, the smell of fresh popped popcorn, my guilty treat soda and other goodies.

Day 1 - 6pm We left for the second volleyball game and needed to grab dinner for our favorite team manager. I knew I’d be fine to pick it up and smell it in the car as I drove with the smell wafting through my car. I underestimated the pull of the waffle fries calling my name from his bag.

I resisted though and went to bed feeling proud of myself for making it through the whole day. I had resisted so many temptations from bacon to fresh squeezed lemonade to hot buttery popcorn all day long I saw and resisted. I think it was easier than I expected because, I had really made up my mind.

Day 2 - 8am I kept thinking ‘should I keep going’? As I got ready for church and took my bottle of water with a few drops of fresh squeezed lemon in it and a pinch of salt like I had the day before.

Day 2 -11am Church was coming to an end and I realized I wanted to hit 48 hours. I could do it. I had made it this far. I kept wanting a piece of gum but also felt that would be cheating so I ignored the fresh pack I had in my bag.

Day 2 - 1pm The need for a post church nap hit strong as I laid down beside my teen to talk. I was feeling grateful to have her home a little longer before she leaves for an 18 month mission trip….and then an hour plus plus later … well that took care of a few more hours.

Now, I was on the home stretch and feeling it so possible to hit 48 hours and even considered setting another goal of 72 hours. Then decided I didn’t need to be an overachiever so 48 was just fine.

As I ended my 48 hour fast….did I mention I made it 48 hours?!I felt this rush of ‘I did it’ pride.

However, the biggest take away for me didn’t involve the numbers on the scale changing, though that is always welcome and I couldn’t see if my cells had felt the benefits of this but I had this moment. An Aha!

It happened right before I broke my fast. Right after I mentioned to one teen, “guess what- I’m almost at 48 hours”.

She replied, ‘that’s cool, mom’.

That’s cool mom, was all I got.

Why was nobody else as impressed as I was?

I was only going for 24 hours initially but that turned into 48 hours and I felt invincible.

A ticker tape parade would have been appropriate, maybe a smidge overboard but at least a billboard announcement sharing of my success. 😂

I was reminded in that moment of two things, two really powerful things:

1. I have the ability to do anything I set my mind to. I set the intention of 24 hours and wouldn’t have done less but didn’t plan to do more until I saw that I was totally in control of the experience and I had decided it was easy and obtainable so it was.

2. I only needed to prove to myself that I still had it, the mental resilience to do what needs to be done. Yes, it would have been validating for my efforts to be appreciated by everyone but this was for me.

I’ve had a few opportunities in life to tap into this deep knowing and it made me invincible in the moment and months beyond.

One that I often reference in talks was my first half marathon. Wait, let me stop you right here, no I’m not a runner.

I used to enjoy running when I worked overseas/on cruise ships because I could do it anywhere. Headphones on, cassette tape or cd in my walkman and I could run and sightsee simultaneously. It was lovely to be in the out, a breeze on my face and feeling each step hit the ground.

When a sweet friend asked me to ‘do a race with her’ I considered a few things:

-she was young but overweight and she still had run several half marathons in the past year in cold climates no less.

-I was 20 years older but a bit more in line with my weight *at that moment plus I had run previously. (15+ years before) but the race was in Florida at the beach. Say no more.

Like any normal person I said, sure sign me up! That one race changed the trajectory of my life in such a meaningful way.

I’ll share the long version later but to run 13.1 miles with no training ahead of the race and finish before they cleared the track and called the race over was empowering at a high level.

A reminder that I could do hard things, that I was strong and powerful.

So if you’re looking to get unstuck or tap back into your power consider a fast or half marathon. I highly recommend both.

Or hire a Life Coach (I’m one:)) -it does take more than 48 hours but not as hard as a half marathon and gives you tools you can use the rest of your life.

I have great resources here:

• A rude driver that cut you off in traffic and it’s his fault you got so mad.

• The clerk in the store was snappy, and that’s why you are frustrated.

• The elevator going so slowly is why you are feeling overwhelmed getting to your appt late.

Would you believe that you get to decide….you get to decide how you will feel. How you will feel when someone cuts you off in traffic, is snappy or when things go slower than planned.

You get to decide how it will impact your day. For example…

you can have a perfectly fine day, see the trash can overflowing and then think “Ugh, this always falls on me,” and suddenly everything feels heavy and you feel resentful.

Or you can swap that thought out for “I can ask for help so that everyone is pitching in” and the same situation feels lighter — even though nothing else has changed.

That’s because our feelings don’t come from what happened, or what someone said (or didn’t say).

They come from what we think about those things. The little story our brain tells us is what creates the emotion we feel.

• If I think, “I’m stuck,” that feeling will be hopeless.

• If I think, “I’m learning,” then the feeling is calmer and a little hopeful.

It’s not about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about noticing the thought that’s driving the feeling — because that’s where our power is.

✨ So this week try this:
When you feel angry, frustrated, offended, pause and ask yourself: “What thought is fueling this feeling?”

Identifying the underlying thought is the first step to changing it. Then create a thought based on how you want to feel. That’s the magic of simple things.

💌 I’m glad you are here!

Your Life Coach, Cheerleader + Friend,
Tammy 🫶🏼

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“I’m cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids… and he’s sitting there like it’s not his problem.”
“The kids don’t even go to their dad for things anymore—they come straight to me.”
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“I don’t get a break.”
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